I Need a Break!

"I need a break," she said with desperation in her voice. Sorting and folding five loads of laundry, potty training preschooler in the background, home schooled high schooler in the kitchen, other kids already off to school and a gravelly cough in her throat, I'm not sure how my friend was even able to hold the phone. She lives in another state, or I would have gone over to her house and shooed her out the door for the morning. Her husband has been working very long hours at work, including most nights and weekends, for months now. She has been braving the homefront virtually alone, trying to keep up with all of her endless responsibilities. Her husband is willing but not able to help, so she's been burning both ends of the night to keep everyone happy. Everyone, that is, but herself.

This dear woman has spent the bulk of her adult life in a full time caregiving role. She has been selfless and dedicated and amazing. She willingly relinquished ambitions of further education and career for herself to raise a family. She has been doing it for almost twenty years now. Her children are phenomenal. Her home is immaculate. Her schedule is relentless. I worry about her.

"I guess I'll just have to wait until all the kids are out of the house before I can have a day to myself," she half joked. We have been trying to get together, meet part way, for months now. Each time she is unable to unravel herself from the complicated commitments of a large family to get away. We're in the midst of trying yet again. The problem is she's too good at what she does. She has sacrificed her own needs and desires for so many years in an effort to please and support and uplift her family that they simply don't understand why she would need to get away - to have some time alone. Isn't she happy? Doesn't she feel blessed? Why wouldn't she want to be with her family?

She is blissfully happily and mightily blessed, but she is tired. Understandably exhausted. She needs to reconnect with the woman that is uniquely herself. She needs to remember what it feels like, for a day or two, to be called by her own name instead of "Mom". She needs to wake up one morning and simply decide to do whatever it is that she wants to do. She needs to find an hour of solitude to sit by the beach to simply exist in the moment. In the quiet. To stop running, helping, erranding, fixing, feeding, cleaning, laundering, chauffering, pleasing and pushing herself. She needs to stop for a day or two. She needs some rest. She needs more than just a morning to sleep in, her soul needs rest from the chaos of the everyday. She needs to find and feel the beating of her own heart so she doesn't resent the demands placed on it by so many others.

"Am I normal?" she asked. Normal? She is unequivocally human. We cannot expect to give unceasingly without allowing ourselves time to recover. We need rest. We need respite. We need regeneration. But aren't we supposed to be charitable and selfless? Yes, but we must not forget to include ourselves in the equation of love, kindness and charity. If we who are primary caregivers do not love, honor and cherish our own needs and desires, how can we expect anyone else to?

Didn't the Savior Himself go into the wilderness to fast and be alone for forty days before beginning His ministry? Didn't He rest when He was wearied - even in the midst of the storm? Didn't he understand the need for nourishment during His sermon on the mount and stop to feed everyone, including Himself? Didn't He retreat often to recover and restore His strength? Even He who was gifted with almighty heritage required rest from the relentless demands of His life.

When we grant ourselves the gift of time we become more patient and willing to grant that gift to others. When we find the way to honor our heart, it is nourished and grows more capable of loving those around us. When we recognize our own unique qualities we can more easily see those same traits in others. When we listen to the voice of our own soul crying out for rest and recuperation, we can release hidden resentment when other voices request the same. Honoring the self is not selfishness. It is actually the key to selflessness. Heeding the divine within ourselves allows us to more easily comprehend the infinite essence of others. When we love and honor all of God's creations, we find the key to loving like He does.

So give yourself a break. You may just find it will make you a better person after all.