Of Weeds

I was weeding my flower bed the other day. It was a sunny, quiet morning and it was just me and the weeds that had grown up over the winter and were threatening my newly resurrected dianthus and daylilies. I had been dreading this impending chore, knowing some of the roots were deep, some of the weeds had been ignored and grown larger than I'd cared to admit, and it's just a yucky, tiresome chore. But as the morning progressed, I noticed something. The soil was soft and forgiving. The weeds came out fairly easily. What should have taken all morning, was accomplished with minimal effort in a couple of hours. It had rained the day before.

I wondered about the weeds in my life. Ones with deep roots. Ones that had grown comfortably over time. Ones that didn't seem significant at the time so had grown slowly, but certainly, over time. Ones I simply hadn't wanted to tackle, knowing the effort it would take.

Often we wonder why it rains. Maybe God simply knows we have some weeding to do.

Motivation

I was recently invited to become a permablogger on an exciting new blog (details forthcoming soon). In some communication with the other writers, I was asked to share a short biographical sketch of myself. Most of the other writers were complete strangers to me and here I was being asked to condense my life into two short paragraphs that would capture the essence of me.

I found myself in a quandary. What information was pertinent? What information would be superfluous? Which life experiences from the last 30 some odd years should I share? It felt much more important than a simple "25 Random Things" list on my Facebook page. It seemed to me an exercise beyond a mere resume or listing of job qualifications. I had already been invited to participate, so what aspects of my life would I choose to define myself as a person? Who am I? Really?

I've heard the expression 'wearing many hats' before, but as an actress I like to think of my life in terms of the roles I play. Maybe it seems a bit more dramatic and exciting that way, especially on the days when the roles merely change from laundress to housekeeper to cook. But in acting, the portrayal of the roles are always an extension of the character's motivation. Why would that character make that choice? What drives that person to behave or interact in that certain way? So behind all the various roles we have in life there is what drives us, our character motivation.

Think about what you would say if asked to encapsulate your life for perfect strangers in a matter of a few words. Consider not only what you would say, but ask yourself the soul searching question of, "Why?"

I love the song by Julie de Azevedo entitled, "A Window to His Love." There is a line in the song that says, "I want to be a window to His love, so when you look through me you will find Him." After a lifetime of self-evaluation, perhaps I will have reached this point of purely charitable character motivation. That is my hope - to one day be motivated purely by a Christ like desire to reach out to others, to help them find Him. I hope to someday reach the point where my all roles can be driven by that true character motivation and my life can be encapsulated in three mere words. Woman of God.

Sounds Like Life to Me

Sounds Like Life To Me (Darryl Worley)

Video Code provided by MusicRemedy.Com

Today I was running errands. One of my stops was to fill up my van with gas. When I was young I swore I would never drive a minivan. It seemed like the ultimate in giving into suburban, Mommy life and I didn't want to ever admit that about myself. However, when I was pregnant with my third child and about to outgrow our current vehicle, I found myself at the Honda dealership with my husband coercing me into test driving an Odyssey van. I went kicking and screaming, but found as I drove it I liked the way it handled, I loved the flexibility of the functions and I absolutely LOVED that I could push a button from my keychain or the driver's seat and either of the side doors would open. With all of that and the fact that a nice used van was considerably less than an SUV, we purchased the van.

I've driven that van for the past five years as my babies have grown into children and young adults. I was so thrilled with its reliability, despite some dents and scratches, stained carpet and a few flat tires. I was ecstatic when we paid it off in full last month and we wouldn't have a car payment. Hondas can last forever!

So today as I was driving away from the gas pump and heard a huge crunching sound, my heart and my stomach met somewhere in the middle. I slammed on my brakes, wondering what in the world I could have possibly hit. I opened my door and saw a stationary 3 foot tall cement post placed just after the gas pump. What purpose it could possibly serve is beyond me, but it succeeded in scraping the entire driver's side of my van, smashing in one of the precious sliding doors so that it no longer functions.

I met my husband for lunch in tears. I felt so stupid for what I had done and I now had a huge symbol of stupidity wherever I drove. He was kind and caring, reassuring me that it was just an accident, no one was hurt and our insurance would take care of it.

On the drive home, I remembered the new song (link posted above) I had heard the day before - "Sounds Like Life to Me" by Darryl Worley. My favorite line is "the only thing for certain is uncertainty." It helped me realize that accidents, trials and disappointments are just a part of life. There is no such things as a perfect life without problems. Perfection in progression comes by granting ourselves the grace to make mistakes and move forward.

I also remembered a portion of the book "The Last Lecture" by Randy Pausch. I first saw him on an Oprah show giving his last lecture that he had presented at Carnegie Mellon where he was a professor. He had been invited to give a hypothetical last lecture of his life to his students and colleagues in a few months as part of a lecture series there. In the meantime, he was diagnosed with terminal cancer. He decided to give, literally, his last lecture in honor of his three young children. Following this lecture, he worked with an editor, Jeffrey Zaslow, to write words of wisdom and perspective to his children, words that have reached out and given perspective to many others.

In his book he tells the story of a day his wife backed their van out of the garage right into his car, which she didn't realize had been parked there. She was so worried about his reaction and spent the day preparing the perfect evening to soften the news. Randy reacted without anger or frustration. He had been taught that vehicles were utilitarian devices designed to get people from point A to point B, not expressions of social status. He told her that since the damage was simply cosmetic, there was no need to get them repaired. Thy still functioned properly and did what they were designed to do. So they drove dented cars. He said they became a statement in their marriage that not everything needs to be fixed. (The Last Lecture, by Randy Pausch, 2008, p.85-87)

Prof. Randy Pausch passed away early in the morning on July 25, 2008, at his home in Virginia.

I'll bet his wife still drives that car.