It almost killed me. Watching my beautiful teenage daughter walking to the bus stop this morning. You see, it's spirit week at her school and today is hat day. She was so excited getting ready this morning. She had chosen a darling knitted hat to wear that she picked out last year and looked adorable. She put on her jacket, backpack and walked out the door with a confident stride. As I watched her walk down the street, I saw her step slowly slacken. Her head turned towards the bus stop and she saw the other students- all of them hatless. She quickly reached up, grabbed the white cap with the brim off her head and stuffed it into her pocket.
My heart ached as she stepped onto the bus. How does it happen? How do we lose our sense of self slowly in the name of simply fitting in? When does the desire for conformity conquer our individuality? Why do we let others dictate our desires?
I remember being that age. I remember dismissing friendships I had valued all through elementary school so that the 'cool' kids might like me. I remember wanting specific styles of clothes and listening to music my friends liked. It's simply a time of life when we all have the challenge of uncovering our uniqueness. The difficulty in our discovery is that we often see our individuality in a negative light, instead of realizing that the light of our singular soul is what makes us who we are.
I had a friend ask me the other day what she should call me. I laughed because she called when I was scrubbing out a pot smeared with spaghetti sauce. I teach her daughter piano and she wondered how she should refer to me with others - as a master pianist, a composer, an author? I told her to call me Anna.
I don't want a title. I simply want to stand up and claim my own life based on the joys and interests of my heart. I want to write poetry and do yoga, read books and play music. I want to tap dance and rock climb and be the drummer when I play Rock Band with my kids. I want to write plays and share thoughts and make a difference in someone's life. I want to love my dog, walk on the beach and watch the stars. I want to be totally, completely, uniquely me.
And mostly, today, I want my daughter to feel the joy of discovering how unique and beautiful and priceless she is. Oh, honey, put on your hat.
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6 comments:
I have a daughter (and a son for that matter) who need to read this. It's a hard lesson to learn. Thank you.
This was so beautiful to hear! I too worry about teenage years. I hope my children will enjoy their uniqueness and keep their hats on to!
I like and totally understand what you said. It times time for some to gain the confidence to do whatever they want and not feel embarrassed. I was a late bloomer for confidence as well.
She will get there step by step.
So beautifully put Anna, thanks for posting on FB. Needed to hear this today, my girls are growing up too fast these days. Love your blog.
You have such a gift for finding the profound in the ordinary, of gleaning a lot of living out of regular life.
Sigh, we are also experiencing the need to fit in at our house. Oh, junior high. Such hard years. I think it is harder to stand back as the parent and watch my beautiful, wonderful children struggle to keep their hats on than it was to be the teenager. Thanks for sharing, Anna. You are truly amazing!
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